Duffer Hockey News for January 25, 2008

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"A Drinking Team with a Hockey Problem" Visit the Beak's Web Page: http://www.lopatka.net


	The Brain Sees Red!

Romeoville, IL 01/18/2008
Attendance 25

The Whites win their first game of the Year!

The Brain put the brakes on the Red streak and gave the Whites their first Meaningless win of 2008. (See 2008 Stats Page) The Whites Had a tainted Meaningful win last week, when the Flea put 2 Meaningful goals into his own net. Scoring started early this week, when , Johnny Backhand put 2 quick pucks past Eddie The Anvil on the second shift of the Game. That put an end to the 6 goal scoring streak of the Reds. Tom O'Connor gave the Whites a 3-0 lead a few shifts later. Late in the period, Super Dave fired a shot that Tommy Z poked in to get the Reds back in the game. The score stayed at 3-1 through the scoreless second period.


	Happy Days for the Whites!

Basketball Jones put an end to the scoring drought when he wandered from his defensive position and made a B line* for the net. He arrived just in time to deflect a pass from Geno past the Anvil. That goal was a back breaker, since the Brain was on his game and kicking everything out. He kicked a shot from Beak right back to him that gave him a chance for and easy tap in, but the Flea pounced on it and cleared it out of the zone. Beak slashed Perry after the play and Perry said he was sorry. Art pushed Eddie over the edge that puts goalies on suicide watch and sends them straight home without a beer, when he took the face off after goal number 4 and blasted a blistering shot past Eddie while he was still recovering from the Basketball Jones goal. I said that I wasn't going to count that goal, but what the heck. Final score was 5-1

*A-B line refers to the direction in which a bee flies after gathering nectar. Bees use the sun to navigate their way around and when they are ready to return to the hive they fly in a straight line back. This is why when someone is trying to get to their destination quickly they are said to be "making a B line". See the Urban Dictionary. http://www.urbandictionary.com/

I talked to Wheezer on Sunday night while watching the Giant/ Packer game. He is doing fine, though he is rehabbing a knee. He will start drawing his pension on his 55th birthday in 2009. He says hello to all!
Festivas Party is set for February 2 (No Ice on February 1st)

Need a laugh? go to page 3


	We will celebrate our annual February Duffer Christmas party at Rick Storm's Crib. We also celebrate half way to the Buffett Concert. Need help with the Phoenix trip? Make it a write off! See page 2.


	Basketball Jones had the best out of position goal of the game.

Page 2


	Need a "Write Off"? We should be able to write off Duffer road trips as a health expense.

Dr. Andrew Weil has a book, 8 weeks to Optimum Health. In this book, he outlines a program that will help you achieve optimum health. Here is his program.

Take a break from watching the news. TV news is a depressant. No Duffer has ever watched the news on a road trip. (Except for The Nailer when he saw the Space Shuttle blow up when we were in Las Vegas having a great time)

Get away from depressing people, try to spend time with people that make you laugh. Where else can you go to church and see a guy come out with toilet paper flowing out of his butt? (That was Muzzy in Hayward Wisconsin. We pulled up in a big Larmar Coach when the Sunday mass crowd was filtering out of church. They were all wondering in amazement at the site of that big luxury coach. They watched Brinks, Papa Joe and a few other Duffers come out of church and get on the coach. We were ready to pull off, when Muzzy came running out of church with a stream of toilet paper flying in the breeze behind him)

Go to a Hot Tub and sweat. We spend several hours in the Hot Tubs on our trips.

Go for a 25 minute walk Harvey's shopping expedition more than fulfilled that requirement. (Harvey loved going to the souvenir shops in Hayward that had winter clearance sales in March.)

Exercise sensibly then take in plenty of fluids. We played two fast paced hockey games, went bowling and took in plenty of fluids in Hayward.

Have some garlic and olive oil. If you ever went to a team dinner, you know that the Bagh Wan's* choice of restaurant will give you plenty of garlic and olive oil.

*The King changes his moniker to Bagh Wan whenever a comet was in the sky, because there is a long history of bad things happening to Kings when comets come around. We were blessed with two spectacular Comet shows during our Road Trips to Hayward. On March 24, 1996, We saw the Comet Hyakutake light up the Wisconsin sky. The following March, 1997, the Duffers were dazzled by Comet Hale-Bopp. The King answered only to Bagh Wan until the summer of 1998 when Hale-Bopp left the shy. Jerome showed up at the Duffer picnic as the King for the first time in 2 years.

13 years ago we added 5 unmarried NYPDs (New Young Polite Duffers) to our roster. Meaningless scoring system was born. Tommy, Johnny and Tweedy survived Marriage and get out almost every Friday. Jerry Oskroba and Paul Novak were never seen again after they took that walk down the aisle.

22 years ago Bowling for panties was introduced on October 13, 1984.

24 years ago Bobka Factor was developed and Wally acquires a new nick name when he engages in fisticuffs on the East-West Toll way. He only told one guy and he was greeted by the theme from Rocky every Friday night as he entered the locker room.

28 years ago Duffers invaded Florida and were featured on the 10 O'clock News.

On the Lighter Side

Before he took the ice last week, John Landry demonstrated why he is known as Magoo. Harvey grabbed his sticks and knocked the 4 remaining sticks to the floor. Magoo put on a hilarious display of slap stick humor for the guys that were still in the locker room. Being a good Christian gentleman, he bent over and picked all 4 of the sticks up and leaned them against the wall. They fell to the floor again. He picked them up again and grabbed 2 of the sticks and headed for the door, when the Flea stopped him with the following question: "Hey John, are you ambidextrous?" Magoo said, "Why do you ask?" Perry said, "Because you have a right hand stick and a left hand stick!" We all laughed as John put one stick back and knocked all of them to the floor again. We laughed even harder. Magoo carefully picked up the sticks and leaned them against the wall again, then he selected his sticks and headed for the door as the sticks fell again. We were all laughing so hard by that time, we were ready for a Duffer Hockey game.

Another True Story

The Maestro and I were talking about youth hockey and stupid penalties, when he told me he was giving his son a lecture after his son had a (Polish, Italian, Irish etc. select your favorite) Hat Trick (Three penalties) He said, "Billy, you're killing your team! Those penalties cost your team 2 goals! You're killing your team!" His 2 year old was in the back taking it all in. A short time later, the little brother was lecturing his big brother. "Billy, you're killing your team!" The word of a 2 year old sunk in, as Billy has not had a stupid penalty since those words of wisdom.

Ever get Sick from Drinking?

Klinger sent me a very funny explanation called "Party in my Stomach" If you want to see it, send an e-mail to greg@lopatka.net with the subject: Party in my stomach. I'll send you the wmv file.

Pictured here are 3 of the key players in the White's 5-1 Victory. Can you name them? There is former Duffer in the "Happy Days" picture. Can you name him? His nick name was Sod Buster.
	The Anvil had a great game until Basketball Jones crashed his net!
Our Next Road Trip will be 2010	Harvey got the laughter going before the game when he knocked Magoo's sticks down.
Perry the goon in "Bizaro World" He says he is sorry when he gets slashed.	My new bird feeder. The squirrels haven't figured it out yet, when they jump on it the perch goes down and closes off the seeds.