Duffer Hockey News for January, 21, 2005

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"A Drinking Team with a Hockey Problem" Visit the Beak's Web Page: http://www.lopatka.net

Bolingbrook, IL 1/14/05

Attendance 23 Report by Beak

4 Meaningful Shut outs for the Brain

The Anvil faced more rubber than a dead skunk on the freeway last Friday. The Reds had a younger team, but they gave Eddie his money's worth. Only a goalie pays money to be shot and they are happy as long as you hit them, but they get really ticked when you miss them. Eddie's son, Nick ruined his shut out in the first period when he teamed up with Brinks and Thor. Brinks made it 2-0 when he got a break away goal that started when Tweedy fired a pass from behind the net that Beak chipped out to Art who head maned it out to


	Uncle Bob with a beer and Beer nuts


	Brinks, who popped it in for a goal. Art set up Brinks again in the second period when he took a clearing pass from the Brain and raced down the left wind and fired a pass to Brinks in front of the net for a beautiful tip in. Tommy Z and Mini Wheezer scored for the Reds to make it close, but Brinks picked up the Hat Trick in the third and Nick closed out the scoring to give the Whites a 5-2 win and a 3-0 meaningful shut out for the Brain. Last week it was reported that the Brain had 3 straight shut outs, it was really 3 in 4 weeks, Brinks lit him up on New Year's day to spoil the streak. We can say this is his 4th straight Friday Meaningful shut out. Media Guide 1/014/05 Starting Goalies The Anvil Vs. The Brain Healthy Scratches: Super Dave, The Flea, The Nailer, Magoo, Berserk, Koss, Sanchez and Miller Lite . Disabled List: Uncle Bob and Buckshot MIA; Ghost, Dill Deau, , Drano and Doc. Retired Papa Joe.

Worcester-Providence

We will need a $100.00 deposit for the Worcester trip. We are looking to Play in Providence on the 15th of April, and Worcester on the 16th. We will Leave Thursday after noon and return home Sunday night.


	Klinger after a men's league fight

Our Goalie in Chief has been "Honored" many times by Rich Storm.

We have never been without a goalie since the old king knighted him with the title of Goalie in Chief. Last Friday we got a to see how he controls his flock of goalies. The Brain was trying to leave the bar early without having a beer, because he had to go to work in the morning. Stump stood up and said, "One week suspension, if you leave without having a beer. The Brain sat down and opened an Amstel Lite.

For the best locker room joke of the week, go to the Duffer Joke page

We are starting a new feature this week

Wednesday Guest at Neutral Zone Lunch

Braille Goaltending

The following is a reprint from a 1978 Duffer Newsletter:

Did you ever hit Stump with a screen shot and hear his reply when you yell, "You never saw it!" He laughs and says, "I didn't have to, you hit me!"
Here is a reprint from a pre computer, 1978 Duffer News, when Stump was a twig.
Dear Duffer Advisor,
I hear rumors that Stump and Slime Dog are going to open up a goalie school using the Braille Method of goaltending. Please tell me, what in the world is Braille Goaltending?
Dilated Duffer
Dear Dilated,
The Braille method of goaltending was named after Louis Braille (1852) teacher of the blind. Braille goaltending was developed exclusively by Slime Dog and Stump under very controlled conditions. Normally, vision is a very important part of goaltending. Duffer goalies have had to adapt, because Duffer defensemen always back their 4 foot high rear ends into the 4 foot high goalies. thus removing all of the advantages of vision. Their nasal passages are also rendered inoperative, so all they have left is hearing, touch and taste. They listen for the slap of wood against rubber, flinch and wait for the feel or taste of the puck. Once this happens, they must react quickly to try to grab the rebound before one of those lecherous forwards bangs it in. Braille goaltending usually fails after 3 rebounds.

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