Duffers Hockey News for November 18, 2005

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"A Drinking Team with a Hockey Problem" Visit the Beak's Web Page: http://www.lopatka.net

Bolingbrook, IL 11/11/05

Attendance 22 Report by The Beak

Play Maker and a Game Winner for Geno!

Geno made his 2005-06 debut by setting up 3 meaningless goals for the Reds, then he took a pass from Hitman and scored the Meaningful game winning goal. If we were a USA Hockey Dues paying organization, Geno would qualify for a playmaker patch, but we are not so he won't!* Gary the Ghost made a guest appearance and led the Reds to pair of wins 7-5 meaningless and 1-0 Meaningful. Rich Storm had 2 goals on 2 bad angle shots for the Reds. Cup Cake had 2 goals for the Reds and his brother, Lil' Fruit cake had one for the Whites. Mini Wheezer and Butt head each scored a


	Uncle Bob is flying in to go to Toronto.

goal for the Reds. The Brain kept the Whites in the game with some great saves, although he lost his Meaningful shut out in the final minute. Art (3) and Robert G provided the other goals for the losing cause.

The Ghost played a great game, using his eyes! Gary always used the Duffer Braille method of goaltending, since his eyesight was poor. (Louis Braille (1852) was a teacher of the blind.) The Ghost got some contact lenses. See page 2 for more on the Braille method of goaltending.

*The Duffer organization was always reluctant to give dues to that filthy rich, corrupt USA Hockey. Look what they have done to the Gold Medal winning USA Women's team. I got the following e-mail from our Newfoundland reporter:

Have you been reading about the US team in their pre-Olympic tournament in Italy? They got crushed by Canada 5-0 on Thursday and 7-0 today. I hope that USA Hockey realizes the big mistake that they made in cutting Cammi and Shelley and will do something about it before it's too late. They are desperate I think. If this keeps up they will get shellacked by Canada in Torino. They need to fire Smith immediately and reinstate both Cammi and Shelley to the Olympic team.
Denise

If you want Mike to get you a ticket to the NHL game when we go to Toronto, Mike needs a $100 deposit ASAP. You can bring it to lunch at the Neutral Zone at 1:00 on Wednesday or Friday for sure.


	See the Top Ten Reasons to go to Toronto on page 2


	Somebody sent me a better picture of the CN Tower in Toronto, but I would lose my family rating if I publish it here


	Geno came back with a splash.


	Page 2

Braille Goal Tending

Did you ever hit Stump with a screen shot and hear his reply when you yell, “You never saw it!” He laughs and says, “I didn't have to, you hit me!”
Here is a reprint from a pre computer, 1978 Duffer News, when Stump was a twig.

Dear Duffer Advisor,
I hear rumors that Stump and Slime Dog are going to open up a goalie school using the Braille Method of goaltending. Please tell me, what in the world is Braille Goaltending?
Dilated Duffer

Dear Dilated,
The Braille method of goaltending was named after Louis Braille (1852) teacher of the blind. Braille goaltending was developed exclusively by Slime Dog and Stump under very controlled conditions. Normally, vision is a very important part of goaltending. Duffer goalies have had to adapt, because Duffer defensemen always back their 4 foot high rear ends into the 4 foot high goalies. thus removing all of the advantages of vision. Their nasal passages are also rendered inoperative, so all they have left is hearing, touch and taste. They listen for the slap of wood against rubber, flinch and wait for the feel or taste of the puck. Once this happens, they must react quickly to try to grab the rebound before one of those lecherous forwards bangs it in. Braille goaltending usually fails after 3 rebounds.

Top Ten Reasons to go to Toronto:

Uncle Bob will make his first appearance since he left town.

The King will come out of retirement

Rumor has it that Papa Joe has accumulated enough points for a road trip. Dee gives him 5 points for staying home on Friday nights, he now has several hundred. He is trying to see if his frequent flyer miles will help him reduce the bus fair.

Heineken Light will test market it's new product on our 8 hour bus trip.

8 hours of laughter on the trip out

8 hours of sleep on the way home

You get a break from your wife or Significant other

Your wife or Significant other gets a much needed break from you

You can write off the trip as a medical expense*

Watching Thor go 16 hours without a smoke, Priceless

Here is another reason to come to Toronto.

11. To officially see Canadian "Peelers" at the Canadian Ballet!!!!!

Take care,

Perry

* Dr. Andrew Weil has a book, 8 weeks to Optimum Health. In his book, he outlines a program that will help you achieve optimum health. Here is his program.
Take a break from watching the news. TV news is a depressant. No Duffer has ever watched the news on a road trip.
Get away from depressing people, try to spend time with people that make you laugh. Where else can you go to church and see a guy come out with toilet paper flowing out of his butt? (That happened on our last 8 hour bus trip to Hayward when we picked up Papa Joe, Brinks and Muzzy from Sunday Mass. The small town people were amazed to see a huge luxury coach outside of their church. )
Go to a Hot Tub and sweat. We spent many hours in the Hot Tubs in Hayward, Detroit, Columbus and Green Bay.
Go for a 25 minute walk Harvey's shopping expeditions more than fulfill that requirement.
Exercise sensibly then take in plenty of fluids. We played two fast paced hockey games and took in plenty of fluids.
Have some garlic and olive oil. If you ever went to a team dinner, you know that the Bagh Wan's (The King) choice of restaurant will give you plenty of garlic and olive oil.
We should be able to write off road trips as a health expense.

Duffer Calendar

Thursday, November 24, 2005 8:30 A.M. Turkey Skate Downers Grove IceArena

25 year anniversary of our first Turkey Skate. See November History

The Anvil's Camper will not be there for the first time in 5 years! Any Ideas?