1996 Road Trip to Hayward Wisconsin


January 1972

we could have a contest. 
Before the Game, we had no problem finding the Comet in the unpolluted sky.  We followed the arc of the Big Dipper's handle to the  bright star Arcturus.  There it was, shinning brightly in the Beak Binoculars.  The sky was beautiful!  The young moon was pointing to a brilliant Venus.  This was a real bonus to a road trip.
Duffers Tie Game 1
Paul Novak woke them up with an comet like  rush and goal for an early lead.  Stump could have killed him, because they had 7 or 8 jack rabbits that wanted to show us they were as fast as Paul.  Stump was able to hold them off for a while, but they bounced a wide shot off of Rob Granato to win the Meaningless contest.  The Meaningful contest ended in a 0-0 tie.  After the game we took the Rookies to see the sights.  Captain Hook Spillman and Dock Dubreuil had to see the Moccasin bar nature dioramas that were created by a taxidermist on acid.  We finished our drinks and went next door to find Dan and the Bombers.  The noise that flew  out of the door when it was opened almost knocked me over. The Bombers and their wives were glad to see us.  Chad (the Good Hands high scoring center of the Bombers)  greeted me as his wife was hugging Wheezer. They wanted to know where Bluto and Berserk were. 
I took some of the players and wives outside to see

Duffers and Bombers Win Coveted Beer Trophy

Friday March 22, at 10:30 AM,  The Deluxe Lamer's coach, complete with a stainless steal Crapper for Diarrhea prone Duffers and guys that couldn't hit a 2 liter bottle with a steady stream,  pulled out of the Oakbrook shopping center with 31 empty seats.
All of the maybes and "I'll let you knows" finally made their  decisions.  None of them showed up.  Even 2 of the "for  sures" had to cancel out for reasons to be named later.  I didn't even get any good excuses this year. 
I should know better, when I told my son Ken that I would let him know if he could have that new motorized go cart.  He was smart enough when he was 5 years old, to recognize BS.  He said " Dad, when you say I'll let you know, that means no".
As the bus started rolling on to the toll road, I was disappointed by the turn out, but my spirits were lifted as I watched Dock Dubreuil and Captain Hook laughing hysterically as they watched the Charleston Chiefs' goalie Denny LeMieu explain the rules of hockey.  Caddie Shack followed Slapshot and we were almost there.  Cougenhauer got a standing ovation for his rendition

of Wayward in Hayward. Tommy Z hit his head on the luggage rack.  That got as big a laugh as The Larry Moe and Curly Video.  Tom could always do a great Curly impersonation.  The faxable version of Jim's song are in the March 1 Duffer News.  The unprintable version of the song is available only through Duffer Virtual reality.  Maybe we can get Jim to bring his guitar to the Delphian house. 
2 for HARVEY
Harvey tried playing the Guitar at a shopping center and he had several coins dropped in his cup. Unfortunately both coins were  pennies. 
We checked in about 5:30 and went into our Big Game ritual.  We had about 4 hours to digest $140.00 worth of food and beer.
When we got to the rink, I realized that we only had 4 players able to score a meaningful goal.  We had 5 meaningfuls listed on the Hayward roster, but the King dropped out at the last minute.
When I met our opponents, their oldest player was only 37.  Now I felt sorry for them, they couldn't win.  We bestowed Meaningful status to their "old-timer"so that

Duffer News #62

Hyakutake.  (Pronounced hee-yah-koo-tah-kay)  It had moved 4 hundred thousand miles since I last looked at it 4 and a half hours ago.  It was now almost blocking a star that had been several degrees to the left earlier.  The earth's rotation had placed it higher in the sky for even better viewing.  My trip was made.  This is the first naked eye comet that I had ever seen.  My 4 year old grandson Jeff said it was "awesome" when he viewed it in my telescope back home
When I returned to the bar I noticed an over sized, over-served Native American.  She was so big, she had her own  zip code.  When she backed up, people started saying beep beep beep.  She obviously had a low tolerance for fat and ugly jokes. 
A 180 pound  cowboy asked her to dance and she said no.  His pride was hurt so he said I didn't ask you to dance, I said "you look fat in those pants".  She threw a shot glass at him, unfortunately her aim was no better than Meat in Bull Durham.  She couldn't hit water if she fell out of a boat.  The shot Glass hit Tweedy in the chest as the cowboy hit the door.  Stump was on his way back to the Motel when the Cowboy ran past him with an Indian in hot pursuit.  His Spurs and boots must have slowed him down because she not only caught him,  but she bounced his head off of the wall a few times. His cowboy hat saved his life.  He scrambled across the street and let her have a few more insults.  He said "too bad those pants aren't white so we could show some movies".  She answered F___ You.  He shouted "You have some early American features , You look like a buffalo!" 

She threatened to Kick his ass again, but he was rapidly vanishing into the night.
I had seen enough for one night so I headed back and jumped into the hot tub.  I was ready for a nap.  The Bombers had a game in a few hours. 
The Illinois players dominated the game.  Bill Horbach and Jim Nelson of Naperville scored first for the Hayward team.  Tweedy scored first for the Bombers and Rob Granato set up the winner for the Minitonka based team. 
After the game, we went on the Harvey shopping tour.  He led us over 8 foot snow piles to the back of the shopping center.  We had lunch while scouting out the team dinner location.  Fred would have loved this place, they had a free dart game.
Larry bought a great hat, it was better than the one in Caddie Shack. 
We had a great dinner at five.  We went back to the rink at six thirty  and  watched Rob, Tweedy and the Bombers come from behind with 2 goals in the last 2 minutes only to loose it in overtime.
We now had about 90 minutes to get ready for the Duffer game at ten.   While the veterans rested, the youngsters drank.  At game time, the 3 young centers, Novak and the Zagorski brothers, were having trouble tying their skates.  Coach Beak started the tipsy line in front of a packed house.  They were scored on in 27 seconds.  Harvey, Beak and Dubreuil replaced them and actually had a shot on.  Wheezer, Staats and Beer nuts followed with another good shift.  Hansen, Coughenour, Spillman and Koss did their best on defense.  Captain Hook broke up a break-a-way and his ankle in one move. 

Some fan brought Mike a pitcher of beer and he was through for the night.  Stump put on a show every time they flew into the zone.  Beer Nuts finally got the meaningful winner in the third period.
After the game we went upstairs and helped the Bombers win the Beer Trophy.  When we left, we had a lead of 100 beers over the nearest competitor.  The bars were quiet tonight so Coughenour and I Headed home with a Beer Nut Trophy mug for the game winner.
Hayward has improved this year,  Subway was open all night.  There is no need to eat at the Super America gas station any more, but Larry stopped there for old-time sake.  He came back to the room with 2 un-microwaved Cheese dogs and a pile of assorted Munchies.  He fell asleep without eating any of them.   The Bombers won third place with an overtime goal. 

No Fun Tax this Year

Go to Hayward 1994

1995 Hayward Trip 

1997 Hayward Trip We saw Comet Hale-Bopp

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